Easter Haikus

Top 11 Overlooked Changes to the Elections Act

Most lists go to 10. These go to 11.

 

11.     If you own a rifle, it also gets a vote.

10.    Every 100th Conservative voter will be entered into a draw for the chance to win an all-expenses-paid fishing vacation in PEI with beloved Canadian Mike Duffy a mug.

9.    The minimum age for voter eligibility is raised from 18 to 67.

8.    To register, eligible urban voters must present a valid urine sample as well as four (4) pieces of photo identification, bundled in ascending order of card width, in a 4.3 x 6.9-inch papyrus envelope sealed with the blood of a pope.

7.     Suburban and rural voters must present one (1) piece of photo ID, or their Costco card.

6.     Eligible non-human voters (rifles) need not be registered.

5.    A campaign spending limit of $25M will be strictly enforced. (Note: Parties are permitted to spend an additional $2M on any day ending in ‘y’.)

4.     Women-folk will no longer be permitted to cancel out their husband’s vote with their own.

3.     Any Canadian found living abroad will be: (a) denied eligibility to vote, and (b) deemed guilty of high treason.

2.     You don’t have to vote for the party that just sent you a wad of cash in the mail, but really it’s the least you could do.

1.    Any violation of this Act will result in the immediate prosecution of Michael Sona.

A Bettman Christmas Carol

For the frustrated hockey fan this holiday season:

LEAKED!! Cons prepare anti-Garneau ad

At great peril, zlog has obtained a secret copy of a preemptive Conservative attack ad against Liberal leadership candidate Marc Garneau: